Ep 102: Empowered, Confident and Sexy with Kari Rae Millett

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:00:00

You ever wonder what success actually means? How do you get it? And how do you keep it?

Theresa Lambert: 00:00:14

We all want it yet sometimes it feels only some of us get to have it.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:00:19

Hi, Teresa and Blair here we are to badass entrepreneurs, best selling authors, coaches and business mentors who have had success, built success, questioned our own success and reclaimed it. Let's be real for a hot minute. 2020 has been a roller coaster ride, and many of us a start to wonder if the loser things that made them successful. So we got curious, Ron real about what success is truly about?

Theresa Lambert: 00:00:45

Can you put it in a box?

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:00:47

How can you get it?

Theresa Lambert: 00:00:48

Can people take it away? Or are you the one with the power?

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:00:52

Does it mean the same to all of us? Or are we the ones that create it?

Theresa Lambert: 00:00:56

From PGA golf pros to doctors, CEOs, entrepreneurs and spiritual mentors. We get together to meet with successful people from around the globe to dissect success for vibrant conversations and interviews. Make sure you click the subscribe button on the app store because each week we will drop a new episode to bust through the myths around success and dissect its true meaning.

Theresa Lambert: 00:01:21

Hello, hello and welcome back to another fabulous episode of dissecting success. We are here today with a wonderful gasps and obviously what Theresa Lambert we have the wonderful Blair Kaplan Venables, and we have one of the incredible souls awesome Coach Kari Rae Millett here with us who is also one of the fabulous fabulous women entrepreneurs that is in our momentum group and currently momentum alumni which is so so so exciting. And Kari is a Minnesota based body liberation coach, and she's the CEO of Carrie Ray coaching. She passionately coaches women all over North America to feel empowered and confident in their own bodies, which is such an important thing. As the creator of courageously embodied, which is a unique methodology. She helps women embody who desire to be unwrapped herself well from their bodyweight so that they can live their lives fully. She also has an incredibly culinary background. By the way, she's also a longtime client of mine and loves Christmas, she sent me this like ridiculous box with some of the things that she made. And I am so sad that I can receive it this year. troubling. But she's amazing, amazing. She has been featured in healthy life Expo in Minneapolis, in the Twin Cities women's expo and also the body, mind and spirit Expo and Brooklyn center. And she also has private chef experience over the past years. And she really also makes sure that everybody that she understands that everybody is different, and that there's more to health than just food, which I really, really love. So now without further ado, Kari Rae Welcome to dissecting success.

Kari Rae Millett: 00:03:11

Oh, what a blessing. And a moment this is thank you so much for having me. I love both of you. Ladies, you have taught me so much. And I'm just so excited to dive in today.

Theresa Lambert: 00:03:23

Oh my goodness, we're so excited. I love this. And I love how we get to co create really cool things all together and how, you know, we can use our platform to elevate other women entrepreneurs like Kari, which is so so so so cool. So Kari, let's get started. What does success mean to you?

Kari Rae Millett: 00:03:44

So success for me, is, means can mean a lot of things. Like there's a lot of levels to success. Um, when I was thinking about it, I was like, so you know, that moment, like right before you when you're going to bed when your head hits the pillow, and you just kind of not kind of like reflect on your day. It's either your please, or you're at peace with what happened or you're like stressed about what happened that next day? And you're like, oh, no, I have to pick it up against tomorrow. So for me, success means that other side where you're hitting the pillow, you're like, Ha, I actually feel satisfied with how today when I actually feel fulfilled and peaceful. And I actually have ease about how today went. So for me that's what success is because it's something that you want to come back to. It's something that you want to create. So I know I don't know anyone who wants to create stress or anxiety or angst. So when you feel peaceful when you hit that pillow I really think that's what Being six being successful really is. And so it's a lot more relatable and obtainable for a lot more people.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:05:10

I love that, that peaceful feeling. What do you when you hit the pillow and you're feeling successful, and you have that peaceful feeling, which I love. I love that you said that I don't really actually think we've actually talked about that in our 100 Plus episodes. So it's really cool to hear you come up with something or have something that's different. What does it feel like? What do you embody? When you feel peaceful? What

Kari Rae Millett: 00:05:31

is it like kind of like you have your like laying there and your mind is like off when you put so much attention, attention and intention into your day that you just feel complete. Like you might not have gotten everything done. But it's like, the intentional action you took, just gave you so much satisfaction and fulfillment that you're just like, you know, what I served, I showed up, I can rest and I can rest and recuperate. And it's just, it just kind of fills your whole body with lightness. And you don't have a lot of like resistance or again, angst because you're feeling peaceful and like satisfied about what you did that day and how you showed up for yourself and your community.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:06:28

It's so beautiful. Theresa, you can

Theresa Lambert: 00:06:33

Yeah, I like it really landed with me what you're saying around this, this presence and you you spoke about the mind being quiet. And I know for so many of us, like our minds are busy. They all mine, though busy all the time. And you know, knowing your background and culinary and me personally having a background in hospitality, I know that one of the things for me, back then was always like, there was no time ever for me when I was in that industry as a as a GM of a hotel where my mind was ever shot, like my mind was always going and always going. And it caused a lot of like problems. And I also know that the kitchen is one of the busiest, most intense places to work because it's so under the pump, like constantly under the pump, like it's like, either and I always found either everything's happening or nothing's happening, but very rarely do you get the days which is like flows organically but even then there's a lot to be on top of so I would love to know from you how you made that transition? Like how did you go from having you know, being in this culinary world and living a different life and, and maybe having a busy mind? I don't know, I'm just projecting the fact that I feel like you may have had a busy mind in your life to actually being able to find this place of ease and balance and peace within you and experience these times where where the mind is actually quiet and and you can you know, pursue what you're pursuing without all the shit Chitty chats in the in the head.

Kari Rae Millett: 00:08:18

Yeah, I love that question. Thank you for that one. So yeah, the, um, the best way I can describe like a kitchen environment is kind of like an orchestra. There are days where the orchestra sounds nice and it flows. And then their days are just sounds really clunky. There's like, mess everywhere. People don't show up for work, and they're just like, Oh, now I have to like step in and show up. And it's really important in that like really chaotic place, or even just any jlb really, in my opinion, it's really important to leave that stuff at that place. So like there's this my last job we had this huge long hallway to get to the exits. So it was just like, the whole way you would just kind of walk and then like shed the shit that you had during the day. And he had this like, like 50 feet like it was a length and you had to go downstairs and then you go outside and then walk like 100 feet so your car like it was plenty of time to like shed. What happened that day and like come back into your present come back into your center. So especially in that like after that HECK NO heck this pack lessness trying to make a words there. It's it's important to center especially before you drive. So a lot of the time I reflect on my day. I was like is this feel good for me? I feel satisfied with what happened and And there are moments or Sundays, it started to add up where it was, like, you know, this isn't really fulfilling me anymore. Like you, there's only so much you can learn from a place, there's only so much you can learn from people. And just the hours was just, you know, it's like, you know, 10 hour, 12 hour days just kind of wear on you as a person. Even though you do have fun moments, but it was just, I just kind of reflected there and I just has to be more than less. And I've always had like a strong pole to go a different direction. And to work with myself. And I definitely had a lot of help with the universe with that, because it was like, okay, because then that moment, I was working with a lot of people I loved. And I was like, okay, universe, if you want me to work on my own, and actually go into my business, like full time, I'm gonna need you to, like, help me out and trim some people from the place. And it did that. And I was like, Holy shit, this is actually happening. Because I was like, to my favorite cook guys got other jobs. My favorite boss in the whole world even got a different job. I was like, How the heck did? How did they shift these awesome people out? And I was like, there's no one to say for sauce. It's kinda like, All right, here's your opportunity, are you gonna take it now kind of moment. And I really, after I took that step that I told my bosses that I was, you know, going to work for myself. And actually kind of like, jump, you know, it's that moment where you're like, Okay, I'm all in now. Oh, let's go, what years, I was, like, scared, but just excited. Because you know, you're on your path, you know, that you're actually beating the drum of your purpose. And it's just, it was very fulfilling to make that jump. And it's just been also just remembering even like, the tough days now. Remembering that the inner guidance that led you away from that job is still there. And you're able to still like, tap into it. And it's like, I just I really trusted. And again, like my business has shifted from, like, personal cheffing loved it, to making healthy treats to like really embodying this curvaceous Queen aspect. And getting really deep into like, the stories and the beliefs that you know, curvaceous woman holds. Because it's like food is only just a piece. And if you really want change to happen, you have to do you have to dive deep into the stories and beliefs that you hold that we took on from other people. And you have to shift those and release those to really like embody who you are as a being herbs and all.

Kari Rae Millett: 00:12:57

That so beautiful. So let's talk about where you're at today. curvaceous queen.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:13:06

I love you've been in my world for a few years. And, you know, as someone who's had a body size that's grown and shrunk and been strong and been like really active and been stuck to the couch and everything in between. I haven't been feeling really awesome about myself. I've gone through a lot of grief and gained a lot of weight because I ate a lot of bagels because a Jewish hug is a bagel. And I'm just like getting back into moving my body but you've really helped me be able to look in the mirror and start finding the things that I love and change my mindset. Because I'm someone that was born in the 80s which means I grew up in the 90s when it was like models and everyone on TV was stick thin and you just wanted like we were told like we're like be a stick thin as you can like that was my generation. But that's not realistic. And so I have that in the back of my head but really you're helping me love what I see and love who I am just from your social media posts and getting to know you I want to talk more about your like what you're doing today.

Kari Rae Millett: 00:14:11

I love that Blair thank you for sharing I had no idea that's amazing. Yeah, because it's it's it's so easy to forget that our even our body goes through like phases. And like It's like lifelong partner. So whatever we're experiencing our bodies also experiencing and carrying on. So I commend you for giving yourself some grace and compassion with that. And today I'm really focusing on really embodying your like your curvaceous queen and like your true self like peeling off the layers of like the expectation of being like a thin girl or a twig or someone who's healthy, you know with air quality See? And it's like, really releasing, like society's expectations, especially like loved ones in our world. of, you know, I, I have this body right now. And there's nothing wrong with that. Because it's like, you know, the word, the phrase of like divine timing has gone around. So it's like if you're here right now in this body. What where's the question come in. Because if you believe in divine timing your body right now it's divine. It's divine timing. So that's how I see the world. And it's so important for us to have compassion, and surrender and accept that our bodies are where they are right now. Because it's, it's such a freeing moment, to release that expectation, even from yourself to just step in your own power and your own worth, to be like, Yeah, this is, this is where I'm at right now. And when you make that statement, and you stand for yourself in that, in that moment, even my body's like shaking at this moment, it, your body just kind of loosens up and it freeze and becomes open, to receive what you actually truly deserve, and actually truly want. Because there's making a stand for yourself that I am worthy as I am, I don't need to look or be a certain way to be accepted, I can just stand on my worth. And allow that to be enough. Because I've come to this point. You know, so I really want to make connections and conversations around this because it's even like looking out at like the grocery store, or even at the gym. Women particularly, and men are so hard on themselves, when it's like you only have one body. And you don't deserve this mistreated. This, like mistreated sense of like, I guess you don't deserve like mistreatment, you don't deserve suffering, you don't deserve pain. So I really want to like break through that mold, per se. And just show people that you are worthy and whole as you are. And it's about time you stand up for yourself and shed the shit, that really doesn't serve you anymore.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:17:40

I think that's just so powerful. And, you know, I just want to say like that mind shift does not happen overnight. And you have to, like do the little things to shift your mind. You know, when I would complain to my sister about like, how shitty I felt. She would remind me like, Look what your body just carried you through liquid your body just carried you through you had your husband almost died, you had a miscarriage and three parents died. Your body carried you through that. So at that time, that's what my body was doing. But you know, it's it's definitely you know, it's not an overnight fix. What what do you have to say like, if someone's like thinking while they're listening, like I relate to Blair, or Kari Rea, or even anything Theresa says, where they look in the mirror and they don't love what they see. They don't love their curves. Like what are some things that you have to say to these women? Like what are some small things that they can do to start really loving themselves?

Kari Rae Millett: 00:18:47

I think the first thing is actually embrace like the uncomfortable piece. I recently was at an expo and there was a handful of women that couldn't even like stand in front of mirror at all. So my piece of advice would be and I remember the first time I stood in the mirror and actually saw myself for the first time I cried a bald like baby. Um, yeah, it is a powerful moment just to stand in the mirror. And actually, like look at yourself getting teared out, just thinking about it. Stand in the mirror and actually, like look at yourself, and be like, I deserve all the love in the world. And I know you're not gonna believe that to start, and that's okay. But I do invite you to actually say that in the mirror five times every day. Because there's gonna be a moment where you actually start to believe that for yourself You actually are like, Oh, I am here. Like you survived to this point you were able to carry yourself through all that trauma and that pain to this point. And it's like, yeah, I do deserve love. I experienced that. But also just for being yo for being here in this moment. And just to surrender and show yourself appreciation for being here. So I think a lot of us just go about our day, and we forget about, like, just giving ourselves our attention. And, and I know, like I said, standing in the front of the mirror is so uncomfortable for a lot of us. But that's just using it for you standing up for yourself. That you're that you deserve to be seen. As you are. Yes, you deserve that love.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:21:07

I love that. I love that Kari Rea, you know what I've actually been doing? I just want to add on to that, because I'm like, learning to love myself at my vintage millennial upper 30s age, all the droops and the acne and the acne scars and the wrinkles and the gray hair and the gray pubes and all the things in between. And like my curves are changing, and I'm always changing. I've started like just walking around naked. I've just started being naked. Like, why put a robe on if I'm just going in the bathroom to blow dry my hair. And I that's something that was really uncomfortable for me. And sometimes I'll put on heels because I feel sexier when I wear heels. Like sometimes I'm just like walking around naked. And it was very hard for me to do that. And like looking at myself in the mirror. And took me awhile to get there. But I figured out what makes me feel sexy. And that is being naked in heels. We're walking around with no mom. My husband has never seen me naked and heels like in this stage of life. He'll see me naked or in heels, but not both. But anyways, I found that was like for me very empowering.

Kari Rae Millett: 00:22:16

Yeah. 100% like, um, one of my favorite things, especially in like, the interview days was it were like sexy underwear. You know, no one's gonna see it. But it's like, I feel damn awesome in it. You know? So it's like, yeah, we all have unique ways to actually like feel empowered, feel confident and actually feel sexy. And it's that like, bottom line of like, you just, you do what feels best for you. I love that. Thank you for sharing that. That's so fun. It is fun to wear like seal heels when you're like, walking naked. It's just like, boom, I'm here. You know, anyway, I love that.

Theresa Lambert: 00:23:03

Oh my god, empowered, confident and sexy. I love that that's really learning with me. And you know, I feel like what you're sharing is so important. And it is like, I feel like so many of us women don't like talking about how we feel about ourselves when we look in the mirror, right? Like, it's really easy to say, Oh, I feel great in my body. Everything's good. You know, I'm totally fine. I'm fine. I feel like that's that thing. And like, you know, definitely like being in your world and being on this journey with you. It's really given me a lot to think about to how I relate to my own body. And I have been on this big journey around like self love and finding like VD working on my wife and what does that mean, and I've been doing a lot of dismantling, and it's been interesting for me to since my divorce, one of the things actually and for being in your world I've been like actually embracing more looking in the mirror. And for the first time in my life, I really am looking in the mirror and I'm like, Oh, I'm really beautiful. Like I have days where I look in the mirror and I'm like, look at you looking hot today and I'm like, what? Like, this isn't something that I felt for a very very long time and there was definitely still times where I you know, see all these like people around me like it's interesting to like being here in Costa Rica and I'm like, I'm going to ecstatic downs and like some of these things and it seems like everybody here is like what Blair described the 90 stick figure like everybody seems to be like a size four or six and I'm like, wow, like how is everybody? Just So like, skinny and like, fit and like, I'm like, damn. Like, what? And it's interesting dough, you know, I see that and but it's really been challenging me at times, to, to stay in this place, you know. And so, for me, it's really like, when I look in that mirror, can I can I truthfully say, you know, I still have a pouch, and I'll probably always gonna have that pouch. And somebody actually said something really beautiful to me not too long ago, which was that, you know, like this little pouch you have, it protects the most vital parts of your womanhood. So it serves a really good purpose and are like, well, I like my pouch much better now, you know, but like, there's things like that, but but it's really, I think it's so important to be able to look into the mirror and say, Hey, I'm beautiful. I am beautiful as I am. And yes, I have goals around, like, I really feel called to strengthen my cool, that doesn't necessarily mean that I want to six pack and be all Drim. But like, for me, it's like, there's your something more spiritual to strengthening my core, then then strengthening my core, but the physical expression of actually doing work to strengthen my core connects me with the spiritual purpose I have around that. But but these are things honestly, I really wasn't thinking about a lot. And even sometimes when I go to post a photo of me, I'm like, I share more skin on my social media than I have ever before. Like, I look at my social media now, and I'm surprised that you know, you see reels of me like jumping in a pool, or like sitting in my Blanche pool topless, you know, like, and stuff like that. And obviously, like, I don't show you my, like, you know what this is about, but I'm showing more skin and, and I feel comfortable with that showing people authentically where I'm at in my life right now and what I do, and tie that back into my brand, which which has nothing to do with, with being comfortable in your own body. But it has everything to do with being comfortable in your business and living the fucking life you want. And building your business to support you in that but, but you have really your messaging and working with you and what you're embodying and how you show up has really inspired me to to seriously do work along that aspect too. And you know, not neglect that. So I just want you to know that you're doing really powerful work and everyone listening, you know, I would encourage them to, to look in the mirror and see what comes up and reach out to Kari.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:28:01

Kari Rea look, you're changing lives.

Kari Rae Millett: 00:28:06

And I had no idea. This is what happens when you just own who you are curves. And all you just you serve from like a heart centered place. I love that. Thank you, thank you, Teresa for sharing that. That is I had no idea. And that's really amazing. Because it's like one of those things of, you know, when you first start eating well, or you you know, add like some exercise, you can see results. But it's like with this like inner work, you can't, you can see results, but it's like a longer game. Zero, like, you can only be so conscious that you know, at a certain level. But then the people the more you shift inside it actually affects the people around you. So it's like the second I started to work on myself. One of my friends, she got a better job. My my sister also got a better job. And I was just like when Chris says like in my, in my head, I'm like this has nothing to do with you. But your energy has this ripple effect that is really contagious with the people around you. So the factory so that you are like at this place where you're also shifting, that's also still going to create a ripple effect with you know, inspiring other women around you and men to be like oh, cool, I can I can show myself love and just own it as well. So it's like, even when you might be comparing or seeing people around you people are also seeing you in Costa Rica. Like damn she looks great. That's why That's why I thought when I saw you in Costa Rica my damn goals like oh yeah,

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:29:58

I love it. Oh my gosh. Kari Rea, you're so good. Okay, so as we wrap this up a couple questions, one, how can people find you?

Kari Rae Millett: 00:30:10

So I am mainly on social media. So my Instagram is I am K ri, Ra E. And you can feel free to, the best way to connect with me is actually just send me a message on on my DMs. I love talking with people, I love connecting. And I just love serving people with where they're at. And I'm also on Facebook. Just my name Kari Rae Millett. And it's just my personal page because it's like, This is who I am. So again, just feel free to just send me a message. And we'll connect and we'll have a chat. Because it just it really just starts out with a simple conversation of well, what can I do now to begin this process? And it's just it's up to you to declare for yourself, you're ready for a change and to do the work?

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:31:07

Yes, so good. And all of your details will be in the show notes. Now one final cue for you. What advice do you have for someone who's on the path to peacefulness on the path to success?

Kari Rae Millett: 00:31:25

My piece of advice would be to honestly like, only thing really is just to be yourself. Like curves and all. Like it like owning what you've experienced owning the trauma, owning all the lessons you've learned and actually, like, focus on you, and do what you want to do, do what actually serves you and actually like lights you up and fills you with joy. And not to worry about what other people are doing around you or what they're saying you should do was one of the big ones for me. I had, you know, I turned down like couple chef positions to be like, No, I'm going to be in my own business. Just to really own who you are curves and all. And just have fun and serve from a heart open place.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:32:24

I love that. Well, you're amazing. This was such a great conversation.

Kari Rae Millett: 00:32:33

Thank you so much for having me. I feel so honored. And I hope to hug you in person sometime.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:32:44

I love this. Okay, well, I often go to Winnipeg, which is sort of near where you are, but in a different country. What like final bonus question. So you've been with us, you are with us in momentum and the alumni. Do you want to just quickly share your experience with with our listeners?

Kari Rae Millett: 00:33:02

Oh, absolutely. Um, one of my biggest fears was PR was actually getting out there and talking with people and having conversations. And I think one of the biggest things that you ladies have helped me with is like to break down that fear. The fear is still there, like, what it's so small now. And you've created like the pure opportunities to be, like, easy, like, you've, you've taken down a lot of like the resistance and pressure of it. And created such like an easy streamlined be like, Oh, well, this is just the next step. But there's like no pressure there. And it was huge for me. Because it's like now like, you know, I'm planning 2023 I'm just like, oh, well, this is just the next step. Do you actually help us like embody, you know, at least me, you helped me like, step up and be like, you know, this is you This is natural for you. So you talk so much in your other, you know, like masterclasses or like, even on Instagram Live, you're still practicing. So, you know, it's just another way to practice. But even it's just a conversation. But it's powerful to connect with others and you have no idea who you're going to connect to. So it was like my one of my biggest things because now I'm like, oh, let's do it. I'm ready for PR verses before. It was like um what is it? Yeah, good. Oh, grateful for you ladies for that.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:34:41

I love that. Well, thank you so much. And yeah, like it's cool momentum. It serves different purposes for different people. And it's such a powerful container and Theresa and I are launching in 2023 cohort three. Kind of like how it goes with like the year. That's kind of fun. Anyways, thank you You Kari Rea Thank you Theresa Lambert. Thank you Blair Kaplan Venables. Thank you for tuning in to another episode of dissecting success to all of our listeners. New ones, old ones, loyal ones, young ones, vintage ones, all everyone in between. This has been such a brilliant conversation. So thank you for jumping in with us. And with that peace

Theresa Lambert: 00:35:27

that's a wrap for another episode of dissecting success. enjoyed this episode. Make sure to subscribe to Blair Kaplan, Venables and Theresa Lambert's podcast dissecting success on the App Store.