Ep 099: The Warriors L.I.F.E. Code with Martin Salama

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:00:00

You ever wonder what success actually means?

Theresa Lambert: 00:00:11

How do you get it?

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:00:12

And how do you keep it?

Theresa Lambert: 00:00:14

We all want it yet sometimes it feels only some of us get to have it.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:00:18

Hi, Theresa and Blair here we are to badass entrepreneurs, best selling authors, coaches and business mentors who have had success, built success, questioned our own success and reclaimed it. Let's be real for a hot minute. 2020 has been a roller coaster ride, and many of us a start to wonder if the loser things that made them successful. So we got curious, Ron real about what success is truly about?

Theresa Lambert: 00:00:45

Can you put it in a box?

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:00:47

How can you get it?

Theresa Lambert: 00:00:48

Can people take it away? Or are you the one with the power?

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:00:52

Does it mean the same to all of us? Or are we the ones that create it?

Theresa Lambert: 00:00:56

From PGA golf pros to doctors, CEOs, entrepreneurs and spiritual mentors, we get together to meet with successful people from around the globe to dissect success for vibrant conversations and interviews. Make sure you click the subscribe button on the app store because each week we will drop a new episode to bust through the myths around success and dissect its true meaning.

Theresa Lambert: 00:01:22

Hello, hello, and welcome back to another episode of dissecting success. Hi, I'm Theresa Lambert, your co host I'm here with the fabulous Blair Kaplan Venables benefits the one and only and we are here with a very, very fantastic guest and I'm so excited to introduce you to him in just a moment. But get ready. I feel like we're gonna be having a epic, highly energizing and fun conversation with Martin today, Martin and I had the pleasure of meeting at his first virtual ever virtual summit that he has organized and it was amazing. And I had the honor of being interviewed by him. And it was just such a fabulous experience. He's such an amazing, amazing, amazing person to know from New York. And without further ado, Martin Salama, is known as the architect of the warriors life code. I can't wait to find out more about that. He specializes in helping people that are frustrated in their life to quickly shift their mindset to uncover their greatness so they can live their true potential and enjoy life. Thank you for doing that. So many people need that. An example of what he's achieved is a client like Roberta who lost her six figure job due to COVID and came to Martin depressed and felt very lost. Within a short time. She had a quote, direction focus and a renewed energy around all the possibilities I could pursue and getting back on track to enjoy life. Wow, that is incredible. The key to his success is his mastered the ability to live incredibly, fully every day, which he turned into the acronym life now we now and created the Warriors live code coaching program. Oh my goodness, Martin. I love this. I love what you do. And you're such a gem of a human being. So welcome to thank you. Thank you so much.

Martin Salama: 00:03:24

If I'm a gem, then you're a diamond. Okay, I gotta be honest with you. And Blair, I can't wait to get to know you too. Because if you're anything even close to Theresa, this is gonna be a lot of fun.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:03:34

We'll do things that aren't fun. We only do fun.

Martin Salama: 00:03:38

If it's not fun. It's not worth doing. But But yes. So I really appreciate spending some time with you guys here. And eating out about you know what you guys had me being able to share with you what I do. But we did have a blessed that time we did the summit.

Theresa Lambert: 00:03:54

We did, which I which is why I know we're going to have another blouse now. And I'd love to start by asking, you know, what does success mean to you? Because it's such a juicy conversation to have with,

Martin Salama: 00:04:08

you know, I thought a lot about this and for the first 50 years of my life. And I'm coming up next month, I will turn the Big Six zero. I know I don't look at I know I look 35 But I'm not okay. And I tell my kids that I'm hitting the midpoint of my life, that I will be around for another 60 years. And they're like, who's going to take care of you? I'm like, Well, you are of course. But so but for the first 50 years of my life, to me, success meant how much money do I have in the bank? And how much of it can I spend? And how quickly can I spend it and get more of it? And in 2008 close to what I was turning 50 I went through some crazy stuff. I remember what happened in 2008 the world fell apart. Well, I was working Got a project for about five years to build a multimillion dollar health club in tennis center in New Jersey. And we finally got all the approvals from everybody that we were waiting for the city to state we're in for the bank like, okay, great. I've put millions and I'm ready to get it back into finished construction. They like to start construction. They're like, yeah, without lending. Now the world's about to fall apart from like, oh, what. And a month later, the world fell apart. And I lost absolutely everything. I was devastated. I was like, Okay, I'm a failure. And I went into that mode for about a year where I felt like I was a failure. And I didn't know what I was gonna do. And I came out of that hole. And I said, Okay, I'm going to become a life coach, because I'd help people in community organizations. And I'd had life coaches, and I thought it was great. And I was like, perfect, beautiful. I don't have to be a businessman anymore. And I started working towards this, and I came to my 24th wedding anniversary. And my wife tells me, yep, I'm done. I want a divorce. I'm like, what? I was floored. She said, I can't take this anymore. These ups and downs, blocks are things. And I shouldn't say to her, but I didn't get you anything like that. But looking back now, it was the best gift, she gave me an entire life other than my children. Because it got me to go into life coaching with, I really need to fix myself. And I now I learned that I was a people pleaser, my whole life trying to make everybody else happy. And you know what I learned? I mean, nobody happy. Because I was always rationalizing that if I did this, then this would happen. And that would be good. And I am going through life coaching and all that and becoming a life coach. I recognize that I've trademarked this that the word rationalized is really two words, rational lies, that you lie to yourself that it's rational to do things that you know goes against your heart to make somebody else happy, or your ego. That's basically the stories. But now to answer your question, after 50 years, I realized success is understanding that everything in your life is going to be fine.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:07:12

Man, where were you like couple years ago for me? I like everything but fine. I think like it could be more than fine. Yeah, absolutely.

Martin Salama: 00:07:22

With that, you start with that you change your mindset, which is what I do. I help people change their mindset from lack to abundance, but from self conscious to self aware.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:07:33

So where do you think that change went from you thinking success was about how much money you make, to knowing that you're going to be okay. Well,

Martin Salama: 00:07:43

it first started off with not having any money, and realizing I was still alive, and I could still be happy. Or I could learn how to be happy because I thought I was happy. But once I went through life coaching, I realized all the things that were the things around me that made me happy, quote, unquote, we're not. And it was about me learning to like myself and love myself. And within a few years after that, I started dating, looking for somebody who loved me the way I was, and I understood what their values were. And I loved them for the way they were. And I'm happy to say that I've been married for four and a half years to a wonderful woman.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:08:20

Wow, I love that. Martin, I want to talk a bit about your acronym is your life code. Live incredibly full every day? What does it mean to live incredibly full? Like, what does that mean to you? Because that, that seems like it's a branch of success.

Martin Salama: 00:08:36

Yeah, it definitely is a branch of success. So as I was going through this transformation, where I went from being more than 1.0 to 2.0, I started out being a divorce recovery coach, helping people recover, recover from the emotional pains of divorce, because I got through it. And I saw what coaching did. A few years later, I was not so happy. And I realized, why am I not so happy and looked in the mirror, I was heaviest I ever was. And I went on this journey to lose weight and start reading better and eating better. And I lost 65 pounds. And I started doing things like meditating. And I'm a little ADHD if you couldn't tell. And again to 10 minutes of guided meditation was not so easy for me. But I did it. And one day I had this download of patience. I love my life. And I got to show other people how to love their life, too. And I came up with the acronym live incredibly full every day. So to answer your question to me, that means waking up every morning, and instead of saying, Oh God, I have to do this today. Oh, God, you wake up and you say, I am so grateful to be alive. And I write three things down that I'm happy about that I'm very grateful for. And then I go today I'm going to live incredibly full every day. And I make it my mission to make at least one person smile or laugh every day. I've already filled that in earlier today. So if it doesn't happen to you, it's okay. But I've done it at least once today.

Theresa Lambert: 00:09:57

I love this so much Margaret. I love this so much. And it really resonates with me. Because, you know, I was actually on your summit while I was staying at glass house, who opened her home to me as I have been transitioning my life going through divorce all these things. And, you know, it's so interesting with what you're saying, because every day I'm in front as Iris right now. But every day I wake up, and I'm in this beautiful space that I'm in having a few of this incredible city and I literally everyday say to myself, Wow, this is my life. And I feel so grateful. Most mornings, I literally am in tears of joy. And it's taken a lot to get here. But I really resonate with this, you know, perspective and this mindset of saying, You know what, I'm going to live my life fully out. Every day, I'm going to make the most of this like, rather than then being in the reactive state, and being like a hook the hook to do that more or being like, hey, let's like start our days, and let's live our life so intentionally, that we're really creating something that we are excited about every day. And it doesn't mean that everything's always great, because that is an illusion, right? That's one of your real realize. It's one of your rationalize, rationalize, rationalize, you know, that, that everything has to be good in order to be having this mindset and feel like that. And, and the reality is, it's exactly the opposite. It's being able to have shitty things happen and maintaining this attitude, right, that life is still gonna be great. And this line that you use, you know, like saying success is knowing that everything is going to be okay. That is so big. Because, you know, when when shit goes wrong, to be able to say, you know, it's gonna be okay. It's gonna, it's gonna be okay, you know, it's going to be okay. If that is the thing that takes you out from the stress, and oh, what the heck to? Okay, I'm grieving and like, it's gonna get sorted out. And that is a skill that I love is

Martin Salama: 00:12:19

a skill. I'm glad you mentioned that. Because you know what, so often, people think that when you go to a life coach, they get to tell you teach you how to be happy all the time. And that's not really what life coaching is about. For me, at least I look at life coaching is showing people how they can take the things that are happening with the ship that's coming on to them, and say, How can I respond to this instead of react? Because that was my biggest thing. Because I was a people pleaser. I was always trying to make everybody happy. And with that came, I took things personally, which was huge for me. And I was a control freak. And I had a short temper, right? Because if everything wasn't going exactly the way I want, I had to react and fix everything. To the point that was like a nuclear reactor. I'd leave Fallout all over the place. And then half the time I'd go back and apologize with I'm sorry, but which is not really an apology, or not apologize at all.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:13:16

You know, I love that and like so yes, Teresa recently went through some big shifts. And it was really cool to be able to be there to support her because she has been here over the last few years to support me. Like it's a little heavy, but like, I had a miscarriage actually two years ago, November 3, three weeks later, my father in law died suddenly from cancer. Three months later, my mom suddenly died from cancer. 62 years old. Not even a year later, my dad died. And so seeing three parents die in their 60s. And the idea of being a mom shelved, and we've decided not to have kids, I had to mourn a lot of things. The life I didn't have the life I imagined I was gonna have parents, babies and beyond, Theresa was so supportive of me. But what I really learned through all of that is that I am going to be okay. And also just this idea of like, work really hard, save up money, so when you can retire. It's like, No, I want to enjoy my life now, like, fuck that. I'm like to make money now and do the shit I want to do. Because I don't know when my end date is. I don't know when I'm going to expire. And so I think it sometimes takes us to have those really low horrible moments to have these realizations. Or you can be not having those moments and listen to this episode and be like, You know what, I don't need to wait for something terrible to happen. But what's that like? Formula like for every action? There's an equal or opposite reaction

Martin Salama: 00:14:42

reaction. Yeah,

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:14:43

right. Like, if shit is hard, and things are bad, they will get good. They will be good and now I'm doing the things I want to do and I have people reaching out Wow, your life looks so amazing. I want your life and like do you all my parents died? Like I've been in like deep grief for three years like All right. I'm just like, choosing to live my life the way I want to. And I share the good and the bad. And that's

Martin Salama: 00:15:07

a big part of it. You said it right there. It's choosing, you know, when someone says I can't, to me, that's really saying, I choose not to. So and we've all when Theresa and I were talking about I got to, it's really you change it to I get to, I get to go to work, I get to go to the supermarket, I get to get up and whatever I get to do it. Just that mindset shift puts you in the right frame of mind going the rest of the day. If something crappy happens, I'm like, okay, so what am I gonna do about this? In the past, I would have been, okay, the sky is growing. And that's really where the war is like God came from because in 2022, people thought the sky was falling. Remember? About two months into it. I'm like, why am I thinking that the sky is not falling? Everybody else is what what makes me so much better. And I realized, the last 10 years, it prepared me for anything, even COVID. So I got into Facebook, and I said, guys, I get it. How about going from being a warrior to be a warrior, and that's where the live code came in.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:16:11

I love that, Martin. It's so funny, because when the pandemic started, so the year, the year before the pandemic, my husband had a heart attack and quadruple bypass surgery. And I thought at that time, that was like the worst experience of my life. Little did I know everything else was gonna happen. But when the pandemic started, I was like, Yeah, we're both alive. We're both healthy. It's fine. I love this. Like, we have the trails to ourselves. I work from home, like, this is nice, like not traveling all the time. I mean, I love travel. But I think it's about perspective.

Martin Salama: 00:16:41

Yep. Exactly. Right. Exactly. Right. And you know, you talked about the loss, the loss of your parents, the three parents and talked about the miscarriage, my daughter went through four miscarriages. Okay. And, you know, she would get questions like between her first and second child is why'd you wait so long? Because they were, they were, they didn't understand. And we started this in my little community here in Brooklyn, the one of the organizations started at a fertility group. And it was mostly in the beginning made up of my daughter, and her cousins, all who have pregnancy problems. But the point of bringing is they had each other to support each other and say, We love you, we'll get you through this. And thank God, my daughter has four beautiful children. And it's just her perspective changed. And she got what she needed to help her support, and the other things. So it's all about moving forward and saying this is happening for a reason. And let me figure out what the reason is and see if I can fix it. I hope that helped you a little bit Blair with what you're going to.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:17:50

Yeah, no, that's really beautiful. And you know, I have a similar mindset. We have choices we can make. Sometimes, you know, we need to do what our body's telling us, our mind is telling us sometimes that means lying in bed and being sad, especially when it comes to something like a miscarriage because your hormones you know, it's okay to cry, it's okay to cry and it's okay to ask for help. And it's okay to not be okay. And it doesn't just, this doesn't just apply to loss of parents, you know, loss of a marriage loss of a baby husband almost dying, it applies to business, it applies to business, it's okay to get help. It's okay to get a business coach, it's okay to have a life coach, it's okay to you know, have to outsource it's okay to not know what to do. It's okay to you know, like it's okay if it if you happen to end up getting yourself in a lot of business debt and don't know what to do. Like there are people and resources out there. And you know, Martin, you're one of them. So like how, like, you're Are you a business coach and a life coach or more of a life coach? And like, how does this work in the world of business?

Martin Salama: 00:18:54

Oh, mostly a life coach. But because I have so much business experience, I can jump in and turn around. And so my excuse me, my summits are called the entrepreneurs Abundant Life Summit. Go from worrier to warrior, how to uplevel your business, because at the end of the day, even when I am a business coach within two or three sessions of getting into their life, which I know it's going to happen sooner or later about them recognizing they got to fix themselves before they fix their businesses. You know, so that's a big part of it right there. And there was something I want that. Oh, I remember. I remember I wrote a blog recently. Talking about Be a man has no meaning. Because when I was growing up, being a man meant you were tough. You didn't show your weakness. You didn't ask for help. And you never cried. Now I was a sensitive kid. I always cried. And I was I was bullied. I was teased. But now looking back I was bullied. And I got through it and all that. But now, it's not like that anymore. You don't have to be like in the 70s and 80s Macho, you can show your vulnerability. Thank you Brene Brown for bringing that word out of the closet.

Theresa Lambert: 00:20:16

Oh my goodness, I think that's so powerful. So, so powerful, what you just shared. And I think that it's also comes down to like, the whole asking for help thing. I think too, is it's such a thing. It's like, when did we decide that doing it on our own was better? Like, where where did that, like, wherever that like BS story came from that we have, like, collectively absorbs? That is a story to really break, right? Because A, it's, it's not a lot of fun when you do things on your own. Like, I mean, don't get me wrong, I think it's important that you can have fun on your own. So like, I don't want you'd like to, you know, like anyone listening like I want to be really precise here. But when you are changing your life, when you're doing things differently when you are wanting to, to make a change when you are doing anything new. It is actually really, really fun. And feel so much more supportive when you do it together when you do it with other people when we're actually tapping into the collective genius, right. Like that is like one of the reasons I love masterminds is because it's not just about the person leading the mastermind, but really, the idea of a mastermind has always been that multiple people come together to to develop like, you know, this, like, yeah, genius ideas. And I think that that is so cool that now we get to do that and that you've like, you know, interesting, like, the meaning of a man. It's so it's so it's so interesting how now we look at vulnerability. As strength we look at authenticity as strengths we look at, actually, like we say it's leadership to ask for help. Right?

Martin Salama: 00:22:20

Exactly. And I have a great line for you. And I need a little bit over the time that I learned it, but it's you can go alone, but you can't grow alone. Yeah, because growth needs people to help you get there.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:22:38

I feel like we need a book of Martin isms. Yeah, I think I'm gonna write that down the names and like quotes and why not put them together in a book. Thank you. I love it. I love it fortune cookie for life business. Are you okay? So your your life coach. And you have all these Martin a life li s d life. Colette, what is living incredibly full mean to you? Like what is like if your perfect day for living an incredibly full life? Like, what is that perfect day for you?

Martin Salama: 00:23:20

Oh, you know, it's so funny because I could say something like something simple like, oh, traveling, sitting on a beach, enjoying a Mai Tai or whatever. But my perfect day is waking up in the morning, appreciating wherever I am, wherever it is, and enjoying in the moment. That's a perfect day. Being in the moment with the people around me today is my wife's birthday. I gave her a gift last night. She says why are you giving it to me today. So because we're going through an engagement party, my great nephew got engaged last night. So we went there. And I said, I want you to enjoy it, even if you don't show it to anybody, I want you to enjoy because I gave her a wedding ring or wedding band to go with her engagement ring. And I said it's about enjoying it in the moment. So that's where it is I wake up every morning, that's a perfect day. If I could go through the day being fully present, fully mindful of the people around me and enjoying every moment of that day. That's the perfect day for me. Doesn't matter where I am.

Theresa Lambert: 00:24:19

I think that's so powerful. That's so powerful. And our worries and our doubts and our fears really can really exist in the now because maybe they're rooted in either the past or in the future and thinking of things that haven't happened yet. So being really present in the now is such a powerful way to really enjoy the moment and honor the moment and and be there like just be there and that that has been a very big theme. It has been a huge theme for me. Presence, being present now not needing to know where I'm gonna go or where I'm going to live. I just literally went through like, feeling stressed about having to make a decision where I was going on December 19. And I was like, it's not a 19 yet.

Martin Salama: 00:25:13

Second, you got a good six days, seven weeks to get there.

Theresa Lambert: 00:25:16

Yeah, I Yeah, there was a flight that had to be booked. But yeah, absolutely like it's, you know, like things you deal with. But it is just interesting how things take us. So out of the moment, and when we're actually in the moment, we really experience life differently. That is, is ongoingly. My experience is that when I'm present, everything's amazing.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:25:39

Exactly. You know, it's really just like listening to this, what I realized, so I was just in Hawaii. And like, when my mom died, my sister said to me, like, that was my biggest fear, like, Mom dying. And it happened, like she learned she had cancer died three weeks later. And I never thought about my mum dying because my grandma didn't die till her 90s and had a diet of Chinese food, chicken fingers and used to be a heavy smoker. So like, my mom would live forever. That wasn't the case. And I haven't really taken time off, didn't take off time to you know, for bereavement, I run a business, right? And like, in Judaism, as you know, Martin, like we have Shivan what that but we didn't have really any of that for my mom, because it was like the peak of COVID. And then my dad's was very short. So what I realized was in Hawaii, I did a couple things that normally I probably would be somewhat apprehensive to do or like scared. And I think both my parents dying, because I feel like it was such a difficult time really took away a lot of fear I have of everything. And what I realized is like, I feel really quite fearless. Like, I feel like what's the worst that can happen? And like I did a helicopter ride with the doors off my husband and I went to do a hike to a waterfall we took accidentally the hard route down, which was like a 90 degrees vertical descent down like a rock wall, like having to use like roots and rocks. And I felt like, I was very primitive. And I was like, This is amazing. And I felt like I was hopping from branch to branch and it like, it was so exciting. And like old Blair would be like, I'm gonna break my bones like, oh, no, like. And so what I've learned is that going through some crazy stuff in my life has really rendered me to be quite fearless. Like, I really have no fear. Like, what is the worst that could happen? Like I you know, like, it's allowed me to show up fully.

Martin Salama: 00:27:21

Yeah, yeah, I love that. I love that I just want to touch on the Shiva thing for a minute, because I found that over the time for the people who don't know what Shiva is, when a person dies, the family sits Shiva for a week they stay, they get on the floor or low chairs, and they mourn the parent or the family member for a week immediately a family member and people come to visit them. Okay. And I've learned over the years, because I come from a very small community, when someone passes away, there's a ton of people at the shivers every day and all that is that God had a plan, the seven days to help you get through that, the 30 days after that, and the year after that is all part of the process. And no seven days, I walk into people's houses and I say, look around at the people that have come to visit you, you haven't seen some of these people in 20 3040 years. This is a tribute to you and to the person that passed away. And this is kind of like a little bit of this is your life. If you guys are too young to know what this is your life was. But it's really it shows your value and your person that passed away value and contribution to the world. So I love that part of it. I'm sorry that you didn't get to experience that part of it.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:28:32

Yeah, her unveiling we made a thing. Like we had a big thing we my mom and dad's unveiling were like a couple months apart my sister and I went you know, we hosted like a celebration for Sharon. So but you know, we I feel like Martin we can talk for forever. But I don't know. Like I think it's really interesting. I don't know if we've actually, I think this might be the first life coach we've had because everything's been very business focused. And life and business, especially for entrepreneurs is very intertwined. So I think this was such a riveting conversation. Before we wrap up, I want to know, Martin, what advice do you have for people who are on their path to success?

Martin Salama: 00:29:11

So I think my advice would be is to stop and smell the roses as they're going along. And what I mean by that is, don't wait for the huge victories. Enjoy the little ones as they're happening. For example, let's say you're saying I want to lose 50 pounds, and you lost three pounds. Great. Celebrate the three pounds. Let's say you're trying to get 50 clients and you signed up one today. Celebrate the state. Let's say you did this, whatever it is along the way, the little goals is what's going to get you to the big goal.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:29:44

Yes, Theresa is really good at that. She loves to celebrate. Oh, I made a launch here. I'm gonna get some flowers. Oh, I did this. I'm gonna buy some flowers. Oh, I did this. I'm gonna go to Argentina. Teresa's really good at that and she's actually inspired me to be like that and now I Ah, I love that I hate grocery shopping actually, like, I think it might have been grief because now I don't mind it. But for a while if I instead of ordering groceries online, if I physically went to the store, I would reward myself by buying a bouquet of flowers. I was like, I did it. That's amazing. So Martin, how can people get in touch with you.

Martin Salama: 00:30:20

So, you know, the best way to get in touch with me is I put together a website, it's called connect with martin.com. And you can go on there, you can find out ways about me, you could get a link to my website right there to see the wars live code.com and all that. But also, there's some gifts on there. And then if you're into something like this, which I am, I made a coloring book for adults. And I also made a coloring book for kids same coloring book, just, you know, for the kids and for adults, and it's called the abundant warriors mindset. And you take the seven levels of warrior, I break it down and show them how you could have a mindset of warrior and be abundant thinking with that so connect with mine DICOM

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:31:00

oh my gosh, I love coloring. I love that. That's amazing. All of his links all the deets are in the show notes below. If you're driving pull over give it a tap you know star this favorite it come back later. Martin, thank you so much for joining us to dissect success talk about life and everything in between. And thank you to everyone for tuning in to another episode of dissecting success. Theresa and me Blair really are grateful for you. It's almost 100 episodes or maybe by now it's more than 100. But we are here for you to dissect success. Thanks, everyone. Peace

Theresa Lambert: 00:31:42

that's a wrap for another episode of dissecting success. enjoyed this episode. Make sure to subscribe to Blair Kaplan Venables and Theresa Lambert's podcast dissecting success on the App Store.